my saturday was horrible.

saturday morning was horrible.
had clam chowder soup, half a double turkey bacon sandwich and iced milo for breakfast at LJS with the sister and mumsie.
all of which, tasted bland.
thanks to my congested nose, my tongue was immuned to taste.
horrible.

saturday noon was horrible.
had a huge fit and vented my anger on my poor love.
i. am. extremely. sorry.
i guess all the workload and stress from school really got to me.
safest to say, you were there at the wrong time.
and what i did to him after was just...
horrible.

saturday evening was horrible.
i had driving practical with a uber weird instructor.
the way he acted freaked me out.
i don't think i learnt alot of useful stuff from him. scary.
and i hit the kerb side while doing wide divider u-turn.
horrible.

saturday night was horrible.
haven't you heard how loud the thunders were?
and how bright the lightnings were?
i got woken up so suddenly.
horrible!

and for the first time ever, i hid under the blankets, afraid of what's happening outside.
i teared too, thinking of my horrible saturday. what an experience.
and just in time, i received an sms: "dear, i'm scared.."
and that was very very comforting to me.
because he still texted me despite the huge drama-mama in the noon.
because he was also hiding under the blankets just like me.
because i know i'm the one he'll look for when he's afraid.

thank God the sun came up.

-

sunday was better.
not perfect, but better.

and thanks for dinner, Love.
i appreciate everything you've done for me.
i should be a better person to you.
i'm so so sorry.

='[

xoxo

ps/ school still sucks ok. the workload is just C-R-A-Z-Y. i hate writing reports! grrrr!

Labels: emo, heart affairs, sick

Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Labels: [:, heart affairs, results, YOUandME(:

tagged by Lio.
this is especially different than all the other stuff i've done.! [:
no complains. [:

-

a) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image Search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, do it with minimal words of explanation.
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question.

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday:

2. A place you'd like to travel to:

DISNEYLAND.

3. Your favourite place:

BEACH.

although i don't go there often.
but when i do, i'm always happy.

4. Your favourite food/drink(s) :

5. Your favourite pet:

6. Your favourite colour combination:

BROWN & PINK.
edgy but girly.

7. Your favourite piece of clothing:

HOODIES. or jackets of any kind.

8. Your all-time favourite song:

Stuck by Stacie Orrico.
"i hate you but i love you, i can't stop thinking of you.."

9. Your favourite TV show:

Grey's Anatomy FTW!
and CSI, of course.

10. First name of your significant other/crush:

just someone special to me.

11. The town in which you live:

12. Your screen name/nickname:

zuuSTAR.

13. Your first job:

STUDENT.
(that's a cute guy, no?)

14. Your dream job:

MEDICAL TECH/FORENSIC SCIENTIST.

15. A bad habit you have:

16. Your worst fear:

MOULDY BREAD.

wah, fck! seriously!
it took me hell loads of fcking courage to fcking upload this picture!
i can't fcking breathe la, seriously! PHOBIA!!!!!!!!

17. The one thing you'd like to do before you die:

18. The first thing you'll buy if you get $1,000,000:

DONE.

not tagging anybody.
do if you wannaaaaaaaaa. (:

-

i need to learn to trust you more.
it's not easy for me this way.

xoxo

Labels: heart affairs, quirky stuff, quiz

Say It Again - Marie Digby

should i stop complaining about my heavy school workload here?

YES.

even blogging about it is driving me insane.
no more calming effects of blogging about the 1001 things that are in hand.
it only reminds me how much work that needs to be done.

urgh.!

-

PUO lab just now was pretty boring.
just a short one but the calculations were.... OMG. zzz.

what's your answer?
what's your answer?!
WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER????

that, coming from everyone. really.

and Ms Sim shoo-ed us out of the lab at 2.10pm.
we were supposed to end at 3pm luh.!!
didn't realised it was only 2+pm until we're out of the lab.
doesn't she love us anymore?? =[

-

woke up at 7am this morn when i'm supposed to leave home at 7 so,
this morning;


and just like that, she left me 50$ on the table.
i probably should wake up with a TSK again from now on, hmm.
stop thinking that my sister's so nice and start asking how come she's so nice.
'kay?

-

i.feel.like.giving.up.
should i?

xx

Labels: heart affairs, LAB SESSIONS

Thunder - Boys Like Girls


-

adding 1 more quiz to the already stressful week.

to be accomplished:
Ppt slides for PBL presentation.
PBL report.
OC2 Quiz 3.
FPath Quiz 2.
PUO Tutorial Quiz.
Japanese Role Play.
PLM Assignment.

i've got 12 Past Year Exam papers to print tmr.
4 papers for each subject.
i hope i don't exceed the printing quota. =/


-

i'm feeling emoemo today.
kept dreaming about stuff that wouldn't happen. mostly you.
which makes me even more emoemo.
i'd appreciate it if you don't ask me why/what.
although i do want to talk to someone about it.

-.-

i feel like slapping myself sometimes.
i miss my friends and girltalk, period.

xx

Labels: heart affairs, school

chubby cheeks!!! OMG.
talk about bad news. =/

if you're not Sufiyan, read this:
i wrote this entry because a certain donkey whose name starts with an 'S' and ends with 'ufiyan' decided that he wants to be funny and push all the wrong buttons on me. i've been patient enough, and keeping the tigress in me for too long, and i guess this is the best time for me to tell the WORLD what he's really like. he claims that it's gonna be 'very hurtful' for him but haha? isn't that the whole point, my dear?

HELLO, SUFIYAN.!
i know you're here reading this post.
anxiously waiting for this entry to be published.

you know what?
i can't wait to write this entry too! :D
gosh, don't you just love me when i'm mean? (:
so here it goes.....................

Labels: heart affairs

i've loads to blog about, loads to tell.
i've been keeping too much thoughts to myself. hard to find opportunities to share thoughts with my darlings, since it's so hard for us to meet nowadays. =[ i only resort to talking to myself and letting it all out in my blog.

too much words left unspoken, buried, kept inside.
though i can't really put them into words..
i'll blog it out, soon. privately, of course.
let me just organize my thoughts for now.
=[


will be back when i feel like blogging.
or after term tests.
depends.

xoxo

Labels: emo, heart affairs, TERM TEST

When You Look Me In The Eyes - Jonas Brothers

it'll all get better in time.

so today was my last semestral paper.
it is also the last day of being a freshman.
and i hate to say this, but A7B5 will also split up. ='(

B5 rockeddddd la. it is the best class to start off my poly life. i am not gonna go all common with 'MY CLASS ROCKS MORE THAN YOURS' cos apparently everybody will say that to everybody else. only A7B5 will understand why A7B5 rocked. noone else(:


^hy did this! (:

so we took class pictures after CSAS lesson ended. pictures will be uploaded once received. ohhman i am gonna miss them truckloads. Felchyy cried, awww. made me wanna open those floodgates too but i'll save it for the last day of class chalet. (:

SPEAKING OF CHALET..
guess when will it be????


^sister & i cooked pasta ourselves. huhu.

18, 19, 20th march!!

i freaked out when i heard the date. why why why, faiz, whyyyyy?! i wouldn't mind if it's 19 20 21 or 17 18 19.. but my bday falls right smack in the middle of our chalet! that is so unfair... i understand that the whole class doesn't know it's my bday and i don't blame them buttttt, you know........ it is after all a very very special day for me!

=(

18, okay! hmpfft. i want to celebrate my bday too! *pouts*



^exactly how i'm feeling.

i love to imagine my 18th to be a day out with loved friends and a huge surprise for me(!). i want to feel special what.. I REALLY DO! sigh... nvm nvm, God knows what i'm feeling. LONELY, UNLOVED and PATHETIC! tskkkkkk. we'll see how la! -_-

-

headed home.

met the exbf.
i was frustrated, angry, sad, depressed.
i felt like i'm going crazy.
idk what drove me to do it, i'm sorry.

then i ran. i stopped in the middle of the road.
a taxi passed. 2 taxis. gone.
i ran straight home.
& teared.
then laughed about my stupidity.

what the fck is going on with me?
i, am going crazy.


^the most impossible thing next to man.

but thanks for the sms, it meant alot.
you meant alot.

yet, part of me abhors you.
but it just so happens that my weakness lies in the other part of me.
i'm just tired. & frustrated.
i want this to end.

but i'm strong.
if i'm not, i will be.

all i need is support.

xx

Labels: heart affairs, pictures, SEMESTRAL EXAMS.

Music's ON: Tell Me 'Bout It - Joss Stone

what do you do when your kindness aren't appreciated by others?
you blog about it. privately.

( i make others happy. )

xoxo

Labels: emo, heart affairs, private entry

Music's ON: Maneater - Nelly Furtado

i'm very pleased with today besides the fact that i had to go for the BLOODY MEDICAL CHECKUP. fyi, i hate doctors okay. they scare me. i hate visiting clinics and facing the doctors and i always have a nasty thought of them diagnosing me with some deadly illness. i hate that, i hate that, i hate doctors!! ok enough. oh yeah, i'm afraid of policemen too. shut up, okay.

-

Artificial Boyfriend (A*B) accompanied me today. ((:
i shall and must not name who due to some nosey nonyas who will make a major fuss about it. blardy people. once i get my password script, i won't have to hide anything already. fan-bloody-tastic. x) anyway, A*B is noone new ok. he was my SnogKing aka SK. ok big fat hint already.

-

i'm such a big digresser.
back to todaay! woke up freaking late. A*B called me at 830am. the time we're supposed to meet. and i just woke up! HAHAHA. i am so terrible can? eventually, i met him before 9am at least. YES, I BATHED.

-

headed to Jurong East because that's where i'm going for my medical checkup and X-ray and all that shiz. went up to the fourth floor where SATA is. so packed!! anyway, i took a q number and it was 178 while they are serving 143.
=_____________="

so A*B and i headed to jurong entertainment first for breeeeakfast! we had LJS. yumyumyummmmy! hehe. then we headed back to SATA. it was 161 only. =.= but there were seats so we happily rest our arses. hehe.

-

btw, this is my first time going for an x-ray at SATA. and all these check up stuff is completely new to me. other than the OBS one which i did at a private clinic. so much more easier.

-

ok back.
i got really excited plus scared. haha. my number came and i did what i had to at the counter. then i asked for Express Service cos i want the report by today. top-up $20 okay! i tell you, these govt clinics cheat people money one lor. zzzzzzzz! total bill came up to $41.

-

anyway, it's worth it lar. cos i practically zoom from one room to another while other people miserably sit and stare at the screen waiting for their turn and their number to blink. ehehehe. the woman at the counter gave me a cup for urine sample. so ok.

-

right after then counter, i called A*B over to the other side of the clinic where all the consultation and shiz is going on. I HAVEN'T EVEN SIT & THE FREAKING SCREEN IS ALREADY BLINKING MY EXPRESS NUMBER 8. hahaha. i feel like a princess! so i went to the indicated room, took my ht&wt, read the colourblind numbers and checked my eyes. then the nurse so funny lor! she whispered to me, "are you having your menses?" WHILE THERE WAS A YOUNG CHINESE BOY DIRECTLY BEHIND HER. what's the point of whispering tell me?! =.=

so i said "NO. haha." and went to take my urine sample.

-

& I CANNOT PEE ON CUE FOR NUTS CAN?!
she told me, "not too much ah. a little only." and she proceeded to show me the measurement. & my pee is not even HALF of what the woman pointed out to me! LOL. i couldn't care any lesser so i just left the cup at the tray. wtf, they can't force me to pee when i really got nothing in my bladder right?! (and then, i pee-d during the afternoon and night. i usually only pee twice a day. morning when i bathe and night when i go sleep. talk about luck.)

-

then i joined A*B who is happily playing my PSP which i brought specially for him. lol. 5min later... "ZURAIIN MOHD YATIM!" it was me again. LOL. this time, the same nurse gave me some sort of letter and told me to wait for my number.

-

and yes, you got that right. before i even start to relax a little, BLINKBLINKBLINK goes my queue number 8 on the screen. i'm like, WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY SO FAST?! hahaha. so i went to the consultation room where they checked my blood pressure, my pulse rate and they told me to unzip my pants. =(

the doctor patted my uterus area. DAMN YOU DOCTORS! IT'S ALWAYS WHEN I WASN'T WEARING ANY PRETTY KNICKERS THAT YOU DECIDE TO MAKE ME STRIP! i was wearing a pretty pink flower glitter-ish knickers yesterday but noooooo, you decide to see my ugly brown one. freak. =.=

-

anyway, i was so nervous after that, i actually tripped at the foot of the door when i'm about to head out. ahahaha. i must have looked so stupid luh! =PPP

-

then i was told to go for the X-Ray. yes, my first time. hehe. stripped my top off. wore the smelly purple gown! my goodness. BREATHE INNNN....HOLD....OKAY, BREATHE OUT.....X-RAY TAKEN. lols. i was so nervous luh! my goodness. don't ask why.

-

then we had 1hour before the report will be ready so i went to the library with A*B and came back an hour later to collect my report.

my checkup is the highlight of the day SO i'm gonna skim through the rest of the day, yeah?

-

we decided to go Causeway to catch a movie. waited for Sebas. A*B had lunch while i played my PSP. then we walked around Causeway. & flirt with each other. (HAHA, A*B. HAHA.) when Sebas finally reach, we bought tickets for Mr. Bean's Holiday! damn hilarious show luh. weeeee. recommended. but tell me, who doesn't love Mr Bean? heh heh. then after movie, we head off.

Sebas gave me an OP tee as present for my bday. ehehehe. nice!

-

mum fetched me at Segar. then we fetched sister then go Arnold's for dinner. then home! ehehehe. i very lazy to blog now luh.

-

ANYWAY THANKS TO A*B FOR ACCOMPANYING ME! I ENJOYED MY DAY WITH YOU TODAY. HEHE. MUUUUUAAAHHH.

-

bye ya'll !

xoxo

Labels: heart affairs, movies, smiles

Music's OFF.

AFTER READING HIS ENTRY, I GOT A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS/ANGRY/DOWN. BUT AFTER THE THIRD TIME SCANNING THROUGH IT, I FIND MYSELF SMILING. I SIGHED, AND I SMILED.

AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR FINALLY BEING A STRONG GIRL THAT I CAN BE.
((:

support me.

xoxo

Labels: heart affairs, smiles

Labels: angst, heart affairs, new stuff

Music's ON: This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

turns out, he only lost his phone and it's not like he tried to avoid me or anything.
hah, silly silly me.













but i still wanna cry.
='(

xoxo

Labels: heart affairs

Music's OFF.

SK DIDN'T REPLY MY SMS.
DIDN'T PICK UP MY CALLS.
DIDN'T RETURN ANY OF MY MISSED CALLS.











AGAIN.

AND HE TURNED OFF HIS PHONE.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!

this sucks. i want to move on, but i can't.
because i still love him.
and i don't know what i did until he's avoiding me like this!!!!

-

Dear God, please help me. please tell me this is a blessing in disguise. i don't wanna be the girl who breaks down every single time. i want to be strong. so please help me through this.

please.

Love, Me.

xoxo

Labels: angst, heart affairs

Music's ON: Boston - Augustana

gah.
went to school.
jothi didn't come and mustaqim withdrew.
so i went to school with Herry only. x.x

i swear ppl were looking at us.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!

-

anyway, had temperature taking after assembly.
like bodoh okayy.
36.7 C. kwangkwangkwaaaaaang.

maths lesson was first. oh hell, i hate it.
all i did was copy answer from Tasha and the board.
AND pretend i understand every single shit.
hiak hiak hiak.

since our maths lesson was in the library, i saw eyecandy* while on the way out.
I GOT SHOCKED UHHHH.
never see him for like, 2weeks? i assumed i won't see him ever again. then suddenly see his face. omgomgomg. like yeah, i freaked out again and literally zoooooomed out of the library. LOLs. oh, who gives a flyyyyying fuck.

not me.

i think. =/

-

break after.
shitty food lah. )))))))):
saw eyecandy* again!! at the canteen. fuck can. so sick so sick so sick. it just hurts me sooooo bad because i can't do anything except force myself to NOT look at him. but what's worse, is that i still love Sk. sigh sigh sighhhhhhhhs. either way, i still lose. okay wtf, stop digressing zuraaaaaaiin!

i managed to psycho Nora to skip malay which is after break.
i succeeded ! so we malays who are skipping - Siti, Nora, myself - headed to the library. AND FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. saw eyecandy* again!!!!!!! gawdammit. isn't the school big enough for me to avoid his face????!!!!!!!?!?!!!???!!!!!! rrraaaaaaaaahhhhhhh-
i was climbing the stairs when i saw him enter the lib. i was walking behind my friends on the second level when i saw him climb up the stairs. i was searching for a book on the first level when i saw him talking on the phone looking at my direction. asssssssssshole. i look away like i didn't know him. is that a right thing to do? i mean, i can't face him anymore lah. WHAT DO I DO????!!!!

was about to head back up to the second level when Nora informed me he left the lib already. i was relieved/dissappointed. oh, fuck my emotions.

but of course, i can't deny, HE'S STILL AS CUTE AS EVERRRRRRR.

ANYHOOTS, spent the next 2 periods in the lib. 5 min after we settled down, Mary and the Chinese gang from S12 joined us. which tells us they too skipped MT ! powerrrr la we all. it also means 3/4 of 07S12 not attending MT lesson. WAKAKAKAKAKA. ok good.

-

after school, saw eyecandy* again. need i say more???!?!?!!!!?!?
i realised he took 174. oh whateverrrrr.

mum dropped off at the bus stop opposite MI . she's from her canteen.
headed to bpp with her after.

-

i was just thinking, where would i be posted to?
i'm getting nervous. my first choice wouldn't be possible because COP is too low. for my second choice, which is NP, there is a slight possibility that i would make it. something which i'm reeeeeaally hopeful for, though i don't really like the school. it doesn't matter now cos i really want biomed. then there's TP. which i have a higher chance of getting into compared to NP. TP's COP is 14 (and i've got 13) and its course intake is 225 compared to NP's 110. so i have a great big feeling they'd put me into TP. which is pretty bad considering that it's in Tampines. then it's RP. errrrr......i really hope i don't get RP. i just don't waaant. =X

so all in all, i just have a GREAT feeling it's TP for me. not good. ))):
the reasons it's holding me back is:
1) it's far. mum said it's ok if i really want the course. not it's not okaaaaaaay! i have to wake up eaaaaarrrly!
2) the friends i make would probably be east people. sigh sigh.
3) that teeny chance i might cross paths with eyecandy* again. (yes, it's baaad.)

no wait, the teeny chance just got bigger.
HERRY TOLD ME EYECANDY* IS GOING TO TP. he asked eyecandy* and he said he's going to TP in some business course (i thought VS students go JC oneee?! and yea, his R5 is 18. same as me! to think that he's a rocking-cute-genius). this is fuck atrocious k. omfg. i already had a great feeling i'd be posted to TP (which is already bad) now this big blowup news. OH PLEEEEEEEAAASEEE MOE, PUT ME IN SP/NP. pleeeeeeeeeaaaaseeee. ='(

mum's great feeling is that i'd be posted to NP.
thanks mum! i trust your guts. hiak hiak hiak.

-

i'm having breakfast with 07S5 peeps on monday! hehe.
alrights, been a long post.

i vented what i had to, so there.
toodles, yaw! ((((((((((((:

xoxo

Labels: heart affairs, school days, thoughts

Music's ON: Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne

i am so confused ~~
about my feelings.
about the next step i'm going to take.
about what i have in future; good or bad.
sigghss.

how i wish everything would just fall into place.

what, is this fate?
that all this confusion is meant to be?
is there light at the end of my tunnel of confusion?
or just more of such shytes?

two paths; and i'm stuck here not knowing which direction to place my first step.
life is all about making choices, right?

God decides, and it doesn't matter if anyone helped or not.
so. i guess i'll just see where this takes me and i'll decide from there.
i hope it won't break me into pieces, yet again.

it's too early to make a decision now because i'm not certain what each path has in store for me.
so we'll see in a week's month's time. see how it goes.
i'm praying for the best (whatever that is).

on a brighter note:

Friendster Horoscope for today, 280107 -//
Today, don't be surprised if you notice a few people saying things you you're known to say, dressing like you dress, or talking about topics you tend to go on and on about. They aren't mocking you -- they are unconsciously emulating you. See, you have become quite a trendsetter in your group, mostly because of your positive and confident attitude. People think it looks good on you, and they want to look good. Feeling good about yourself is contagious, and you have started an epidemic.

right.
and i've been soo negative on myself for the past few days.
just, what is WRONG with me ?!

xoxo

PEE-ESSS// i think my arm muscle is building up. HAHAHA. serious. must be due to pushups during PE.

cause the next time that he cheats, you know it won't be on me.

Labels: heart affairs